I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Hey girl, I'd give you my heart but I already gave it to Jesus.
You can have my number though.
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
Give me some pigskin
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
There was an Old Person of Basing,
Whose presence of mind was amazing;
He purchased a steed,
Which he rode at full speed,
And escaped from the people of Basing.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side!
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
"I'm an Easter eggs-pert."
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
My boyfriend broke up with me because he says I'm too 'controlling'.
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving him permission to speak.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
I was sitting there quietly, eating a bag of potato chips, when my wife came in and shouted at me…
''What's wrong with you, moron!?''
Shocked, I asked, ''What?!''
''Open the bloody bag!''
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
I just gotta say, you and that dog are looking awfully fetching in your photos.
Go to BabaMail
