What do you call an imaginary color?
A pigment of your imagination.
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
You make my heart slip 'n slide.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Alright 2020, you’ve had your fun.
Now say ‘April fools’ and let us get back to our lives, yeah?
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
The incredible Wizard of Oz,
Retired from his business becoz.
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn't the Wizard he woz.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Hey lady, I'm like the sun, I go down every night.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
“I’m a Capricorn and I’m mad loyal — mad loyal! — and I will always look for the good in people.”
— Jeannie Mai
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
Why didn’t the flamingo cross the road?
Because he’s not a chicken.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
You're the thought that counts!
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
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