Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
When was the last time you got a cute good morning text? Give me your number so we can fix that.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
You must be a summoner, cause I can feel a powerful creature rising... in my pants!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
Are you having a crisis?
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
There was a young lady named Perkins,
Who just simply lived on gherkins.
In spite of advice,
She ate so much spice,
That she ruined her internal working's.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Were you forged by Sauron? Because baby, you're precious.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Want to become my new personal best?
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
Thank brew very much.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
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