How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Just call me milk. I'll do your body good.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
You’re so beautiful even the leaves fall for you.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Hi there, I heard you were looking for something locally grown? How about some organic and 100% locally grown companion?
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Expand your mind. Get
To work. Better yet, put your
Feet up. Watch TV.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?
José and Hose-B.
The guy who invented Systane had his funeral today.
There wasn't a dry eye in the house.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
When’s your birthday?
July 23rd.
What year?
Every year.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops"
I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Go to BabaMail
