You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons
You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
"It's not me, it's you!"
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
May I tie your shoe?
Because I can't have you fall for anyone else.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Do you know how deeply I love you?
So deeply I don’t even need to finish this poem or even make it rhyme!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
There was a Young Lady whose eyes,
Were unique as to colour and size;
When she opened them wide,
People all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe.
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
You read, white, and blew my mind.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
It was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Are you a mountain climber? ‘Cause you really peaked my interest.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
There’s an earthquake in my heart, and you’re the epicenter.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
Go to BabaMail
