Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Damn girl, are you British?
Because you just conquered my heart
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
Namastay here or come home with me?
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
I'm waking up at 5am for hockey. But I would stay up all night for you.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture your number on my phone.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
You are my semicolon; always present in everything I do.
"I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake."
— Lewis Black
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Are you made of apples? Cause you sure look sweet as pie.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
Wanna go outside.
Oh NO! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
“Is it Monday already? I’m almost positive I did not get my entire portion of the weekend.”
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Go to BabaMail
