We've reached the point of snow return.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gay.
Then they arrested me.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Do you know a bakery around? Because I would like to purchase a sweet like you.
Is your name Faith?
Because you're the substance of things I've hoped for.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.
Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium --- Batman!
How do I know many hundreds of digits of pi greek and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
"My Eyes"
My eyes are full of tears
That they can see no more
I wish you were here
To chop these onions for me.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren't conventionally attractive.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Someone said you were looking for me.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I hate poetry,
But I am into you.
When the cats and the bats are about
Many witches are near, no doubt
If one is in sight
And you're filled with fright
Don't worry - just yell out a shout.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.
I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.
I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.
As if people don't know what a yacht is for.
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
We fit together like a gitch in a wedgie.
We are mint to be.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Hey Aria… Aria gonna give me your number?
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
I asked my Italian grandfather if the rougher parts of Italy were called the spaghetto.
His look was pasty.
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
I need an Imodium because I can't hold in my love for you.
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