Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Up to snow good.
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
What are the 3 rules of Golf? If the ball goes right it's a slice, if the ball goes left it's a hook, and it the ball goes straight it's a miracle.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
It’s pretty plane and simple… I really think we could take off.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
We have great chemis-tree.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jess.
Jess who?
Jess let me in.
Have you been eating Lucky Charms? Because you're looking magically delicious.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
"I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."
- Gossip Girl
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
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