A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
"The pursuit of happiness" means it's cool to hit on you, right?
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Hey is your name Cameron? Cuz I’d love a Camera-n to capture that gorgeous face of yours.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
I’m jealous of your stethoscope… I am the one who should be wrapped around your neck!
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