What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
You can call me Jonah.
Because I'm going to show you a whale of a time.
I didn't know snow angels could fly as pretty as you skiing.
If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning.”
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
"You'd better be a cardiologist because something about you makes me want to give you my heart."
- Grey's Anatomy
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it..
then my illegal logging business is a success.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Let's do lunge together
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
My neighbours listen to terrific music... Whether they like it or not.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
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