Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
That crazy little sun of a beach.
What do you see? [Nothing]. That’s my life without you.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Is that a discharge in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me?
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Did you hear the plum joke? A: It was pitiful.
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much
And their conduct was such
That it killed that Old Man of the East.
You are one well-defined function!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
There was an Old Person of Sparta,
Who had twenty-one sons and one 'darter';
He fed them on snails,
And weighed them in scales,
That wonderful Person of Sparta.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland!
I'm snow bored.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Are you the online order I placed a few days ago? Cause I’ve been waiting for you all day.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
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