What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court…
The game would be cancelled.
Whatever floats your goat.
I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.
He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"
I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Also Did you utilize Canada's public healthcare system to help ease that pain?
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
(Gelett Burgess)
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Colors laugh by saying, "Hue Hue Hue."
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
I’ve never seen a sleeker frame.
Are you heading to India? 'Cause I'd Goa anywhere with you!
They say Disney World is the happiest place on earth, obviously, they haven't been in your arms.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Girl, it would be both a Crime and a Punishment if you don't let me take you out.
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
“The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.”
- Raheel Farooq
Don’t go bacon my heart.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
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