Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Worm!
Worm who?
Worm to meet you!
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
You must be a fourth or a fifth, because you're just perfect!
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Because it's a gray area.
The thought of you makes me redder than the sands at North Shore.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I love you I love you
I do
I’ll play the kazoo
I may not be good
It may be too loud
I love you I love you
I’ll dance a jig
I may miss a step
or fall on my pig
I love you I love you
I do
even if this poem isn’t cool
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
Are you an alien? Because I believe you’ve abducted my heart.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yes, they do.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
Deaf defying.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Henrietta.
Henrietta who?
Henrietta worm that was in his apple.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
People are always after me lucky charms.
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”
Craig Ferguson
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What’s the difference between “hell” and “heck”?
Eternal Darnation
How about a little roll in the Bakery Department?
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
"Does your father sell diamonds? Because you are FLAWLESS!"
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