What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them. -- Dave Barry
Give a Englishman some tea and you'll make him happy for a day.
Teach him how to grow tea, and he'll colonize your country.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
There are 4 rings men need for marriage - The first is an engagement ring, then a wedding ring, then suffe-ring and endu-ring.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Has Spotify contacted you yet? Because you are the hottest single in this club.
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Baby, are you a lane rope? Because I want to lay on you all day long.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
Are you made of apples? Cause you sure look sweet as pie.
I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.
Now I’m in arrears.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Are you a fermata? Because I want to hold you.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Sorry do you have a rope on you?
I got lost in your eyes and need help getting out
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
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