How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Best in snow.
The fact that I've met you shows that God loves me.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.
I want a taste of your Milky Way.
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
You should date a swimmer because no matter how tired we are, we never stop halfway.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
If athletes can get “Athletes foot”, what can astronauts get? Missile Toe.
“Twinkle twinkle sleepy star, wake up now it’s the 11th hour, up above the world so high, the sun has risen in the sky.”
– Mickey Nice
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you — hand over the cash!
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Would you like to upsize your meal and get my number for free today?
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
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“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
"I've found some bunny to love."
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
"Standing next to you makes me feel better about myself."
- 30 Rock
I can feel something brewing between the two of us.
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