What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Don't fork-get your manners.
There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
"When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.”
— Crystal Woods
Did you know you look good in short pants?
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Let me give you another reason to feel thankful this year. 😏
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
I’m looking for my soulmate. Do you think you could Aiden my search?
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops"
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
“Sagittarians are aliens disguised as humans.”
— Ramana Pemmaraju
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
Sorry, but I can only be with you twice.
That's Now...and Forever.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite Spanish food?
Jamon!
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, even though I should.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
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