Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Is this a science class? Because we have great chemistry.
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
I went to the doctor yesterday and he reckons I'm paranoid.
I wonder who else he's told.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
I don't normally put all my eggs in one basket, but I wanna be your number one bunny, honey.
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I like you sow much.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I pitcher us together forever.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
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