Are your legs tired from spinning, or because you've been running through my mind all day?
“You’re my soul Santa.”
"Sweet Tooth Andy"
Have you heard of sweet-tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails... by dawn
all of Andy’s bed is gone.
– Denise Rodgers
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
“If there are ice cream trucks in the summer then why aren’t there Starbucks trucks in the winter?”
Icy what you did there.
Do you know how deeply I love you?
So deeply I don’t even need to finish this poem or even make it rhyme!
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
Happy birthday”- these two words
Are very often said
Many times and everywhere
They have been heard and read
If I use these oldish words
Believe me, that it’s true
From the bottom of my heart
They spring and just for you
(Horst Winkler)
My late father once said
Sorry I’m late.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
On his deathbed, my granddad said to me, "Remember these two words. They'll open a lot of doors for you in life."
"Push and pull."
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
You might not be America’s Most Wanted, but you’re at the top of my Watch List.
Hold still, there's a mosquito on your a$$.
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Did you hear about the painter who works in jail? They say he had a brush with the law.
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Close your eyes and I will kiss you. Tomorrow I will miss you.
Hey girl, I put the stud in Bible study.
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
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