My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I can heartly wait to see you.
"Simple Truths About Family"
Family, the people you share everything with...
Including colds, looks, leftovers, and feuds.
Family, the people you love the most...
But pretend not to know when you're out in public together.
Family, the people you can really count on...
To borrow clothes, money, and get on your last nerve.
Family, the people you respect...
Even though you'd rather die than let friends find out how crazy they are.
Family, the people you just can't live without...
Even though sometimes you're pretty sure you'd like to give it a try.
– Kelly Roper
What Happens If You Give a Politician Viagra?
They get taller.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
I’m a fraction – be my other half.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Wanna go out sometime? I’d consider it an Er-win if you said yes.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
I’ll never leaf you.
Go to BabaMail
