I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
My roommates insist that our house is haunted
I’ve lived here for 274 years and never once met a ghost.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
I tried to write funny love poems for you,
I attempted as well some cute and silly ones too.
But it seems I haven’t yet learned how to rhyme,
So, I beg of you, honey, please give me some time.
One of these days, I will figure it out,
Until then, I hope that you will not pout.
Trust me, my man, you really do inspire me,
I’m just not good with words, as you can plainly see.
It’s not that easy to come up with love poems, you know,
So, for now, I’ll just find another way for my love to show.
(Unknown)
I only wanted a week's supply of sweets instead I got a lifetime supply because I got you.
You're like my tea: Hot and British!
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
Stay true to your shelf.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Go to BabaMail
