How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
If a flower grew every time you’d cross my mind, I’d have a field of flowers.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Fresh French fried fly fritters
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
According to Newton’s law of universal gravitation, If I’m attracted to you, then you’re attracted to me.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Anaerobic respiration reminds me of how you take my breath away.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
There was an Old Sailor of Compton, Whose vessel a rock it once bump'd on;
The shock was so great, that it damaged the pate,
Of that singular Sailor of Compton.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
Cycle with me? I feel like I’m on a whole other gear when I’m with you!
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
You’re right up my alley.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the Fuh Cologne.
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
Driftin with an attractor like you, baby, is always 'drag free'.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Why do volleyball players join the military? They want to gain extra experience in the service.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter.
Keep calm and leprech-on.
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