What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you, I’d be in a higher tax bracket.
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
- Will Rogers
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Knock, knock,
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
When you tip the ketchup bottle,
First will come a little, then a lot'll.
Let's get out of here and explore the North Pole. I'm a rebel without a Claus.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
There once was a fly on the wall,
I wonder why didn't it fall.
Because its feet stuck,
Or was it just luck,
Or does gravity miss things so small?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
My bank is really proud of me.
According to them, I have an outstanding balance!
You must be copper because I could really CU ending up with me.
I love dogs, you love dogs, it's just me or is there some real pet-tential here?
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...
I was ready and wading!
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
Roses are red, and violets are blue,
Your spaghetti is overcooked, it sticks like glue.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Are you sugar? Because I just had sweet dreams about you.
All punts are highly intended
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
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