What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
Hey pretty lady, let me take you out on a first date in the snow. I promise I’m not a flakey person.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
I want to stretch with you.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
They say that I’m not good enough for you,
And perhaps what they say just might be true.
They tell you to leave me and cast me aside,
To lock all the doors and kick me outside.
But I’ve got one last plea to say in the end,
I’m not the only one who forgot the name of his girlfriend!
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you
Oof – is the Erin here really fresh or is that just you?
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
I scored when I met you.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Oh I didn't mean to pull you in so close. I thought I heard a rutting bull moose.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Please don’t joke about my eyeballs.
It’s a sensitive area.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
What did the detective say after finding a calculator?
"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up..."
There was a Young Lady of Parma,
Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer;
When they said, 'Are you dumb?'
She merely said, 'Hum!'
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
Go to BabaMail
