What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Have you been to the doctor's lately? Cause I think you're lacking some vitamin me.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
It was mitten in the stars.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
Can you hold my gloves for me? I usually wear them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
You look pretty cool, I hope you don’t lead me Jack to square one
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Say it ain’t snow.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
If you're attacked by a group of clowns...
Go for the juggler.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
I can sea clearly now.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
Hey there cyclist, do you need to use my pump?
Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Go to BabaMail
