I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
I enjoy the cold weather
But only to a certain degree.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
You just caused a heat wave.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
There was a boisterous boy called Joe
Who loved to play in the fresh falling snow.
He went sledging one day
On his wild husky powered sleigh,
Tumbled tumultuously and broke his big toe.
If you go out with me, I promise I won’t take you for granite.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
Girl, you’re truly one in Amelia
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
The weather is almost as beautiful as you, m'lady.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
“What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.”
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Ingenious iguanas improvising an intricate impromptu on impossibly-impractical instruments.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Not even Fahrenheit, Celsius, or Kelvin can measure how hot you are!
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Hey there cyclist, want to go on a morning ride?
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
Wooden door; wide and creaky.
Sculking cat; snide and sneaky.
Skeletons; cold and clanky.
Madame Witch; old and cranky.
Ancient paintings; strange and spooky.
Watching eyes; crazed and looky.
Blackest bat; fast and flappy.
Venus Flytrap; mighty snappy.
Wailing ghosts; always moany.
Piano playing on its owny.
Time to go! Scream and shouty!
Read the sign – ‘No Way Out-y!’
- Julie Anna Douglas
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored -- how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Hey, I was reading through the Book of Numbers today, and I realized I didn't have yours.
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Go to BabaMail
