You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Ellis Vidler
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream,
As was screamed by that lady of Russia.
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Paddy like a rockstar.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
All clover the world.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Even Mozart couldn't make a composition as beautiful as you
"I whip my hare back and forth."
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
I love you so truly,
I love you so fine,
Please be with me always,
Please forever be mine.
Without you I’m empty,
There’s a deep void I feel,
It’s nagging and persistent,
A feeling only you can heal.
I need you my sweetheart,
I can’t live without you dear,
Because when your gone,
There’s no food to eat here!
(Unknown)
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Hey babe, I want tibia your Valentine!
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
I just love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Shamrocks and shenanigans for all!
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Repeat this as many times as you get rejected until you get the number. Works like a charm.
Hey Anthony, methinks Antho-Need your number
Go to BabaMail
