Have you ever been fishing before? I think we should hook up!
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
You’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate.
How about we go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
Are you the end of practice? Because you’re always on my mind.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
How much will $20 get me?
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?”
The German replies, “Nein, just one.”
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
— Marlo Thomas
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
"Please stop!" they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
"If I do they'll call me a quitter!"
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Why did the alphabet cross the road?
To get from Point A to Point B.
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Let's get drinks, cuz I wanna get into the holiday ~spirit~ with you.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
If I asked you out, could the answer be Ameli-yeah?
“Is it Monday already? I’m almost positive I did not get my entire portion of the weekend.”
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
I know you don’t Naomi, but I hope you will soon
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Go to BabaMail
