Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
If you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning.
The cold weather always comes towards the end of the year weather you like it or not.
Are you Messi? 'Cause you look ike you'd never miss
Some roses are red
Some violets are blue
Some say love is blind
And I know this is true
If you think this is a lie
Just look at me and you
I could have dated myself
But instead I chose to love you
(Anonymous)
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Mother knows best, and when winter comes, Mother Nature snows best.
Well, I have to say I am William-pressed with you
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
Best in snow.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
“Some people walk in the rain; others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so." - Nora Ephron
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Know what? I dig you, really!
Goat milk?
Go to BabaMail
