Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
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