Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
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