34 Funny Soccer Puns!

Get ready to score big with these soccer puns (or in Europe, football puns) that will put you in the funniest sporting spirit!

We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.