Raising children is not an easy task, because different things, small and large, can affect them and shape the people they will become. It is only natural that as parents, we sometimes make mistakes that eventually enable us to learn how to act in the future, but unfortunately, some of these mistakes can have far-reaching effects and make our children spoiled, both as toddlers and as adults. In order not to fall into the parental traps that make our children spoiled, it’s important to identify problematic behavior in children and cut it out at the root.
These are the 8 things that make children spoiled that you have to stop doing now to prevent them from becoming spoiled adults!
When you give your children reasons and explanations for what you ask of them, they mimic this behavior and do exactly as you do. Sentences like "If you don’t clean up your room you won’t find anything in the mess," make children think they a reason is needed for everything and they’ll come back at you in the same currency with questions like "Why do I have to clean my room, it’s just going to get messy again anyway? This mechanism of question-answer-reason will cause each parent to become confused, flustered, eventually succumb to the child's will, which as a result will make them think they need a reason for everything they are asked to do. By winning the arguments and getting what they want, the child will become spoiled.
In order to solve the problem of argumentation, you must be assertive and make your child understand that there are certain things that need to be done even if we don’t want to do them, like cleaning the room. Give them clear instructions, without negotiating such as, "You have to clean your room before you watch TV." To make it easier to stand up for yourself, adopt general phrases that you can use in a variety of areas, such as "In this family, everyone needs to clean their room" so that the child understands that there are clear rules and you don’t have to give a reason for everything.
A clear sign for overly spoiled children is a demand for things they “can’t live without.” This happens when children "pester" us about something they want from a certain store, and we give in to them because it is simpler than starting an argument. If your child starts throwing a tantrum and you give in to it, they learn that all they have to do to get what they want is to make a little fuss. Another factor of raising spoiled kids is the fact that sometimes we buy things for our children to make them happy, and when it becomes a habit they don’t appreciate it as much as they did in the past. It also robs them of the joy of waiting for something that will take them time to receive and the joy they feel when getting a unique gift.
If you are going to shop with your kids, prepare them in advance for the purpose of the trip, saying for example: "We’re going to the toy store to buy a gift for your cousin." If your children make a fuss, ignore them and continue with your plan. It is important to make it clear to them that they will receive gifts on special occasions and not whenever they feel like a new toy. So if, for example, they ask you to buy them a specific toy, tell them, "We can add it to your birthday wish list." In addition, try to provide your children with positive experiences that are not related to physical objects, such as joint activities inside and outside the home, so that they don’t depend on material things to make them happy.
Sometimes, in trying to make our children feel special, we make them feel like they’re the only person in the room and all the attention should be directed at them. If your child tries to attract your attention in any situation and you give into them, such as during a conversation with another parent in the playground, for example, it may be problematic and make them spoiled. It is important to make children feel special and loved, but we can’t always be so readily attentive towards them, doing so will eventually cause them to think that the focus should always be on them. "It's never too early to tell your child, 'You're very important, but we're all important,'" says Dr. Sal Severe, a school psychologist.
In addition to explaining the importance of other people, it is important that you don’t give your children too much individual attention. Explain to them situations where they shouldn’t disturb you such as, "When you see that I'm on the phone, do not interrupt me," and when they can say what they’d like, "I'll talk to you as soon as I finish the conversation." In the meantime, think about what you want to do after I finish." Look for opportunities to show them that other people are also important; "I’m sure what you have to say is very interesting but now we want to hear about Grandma's trip."
"Mom, I'm thirsty! Bring me water!" This is a sentence that many parents are familiar with, and although there are times when our children actually do need help, you don’t have to rush to them every time they ask for something. The reason they do this is that they've gotten used to you helping them with every little thing, even at an age when they can already do things on their own. Many times this happens to parents unconsciously, so it's important to be alert to this behavior and learn to let your children do things themselves once they are able to, otherwise they can become lazy, unmotivated adults.
"The only way to deal with feelings of frustration is to experience them," says Prof. Dan Kindlon, a psychologist at Harvard University, "so stand by and let your child deal with the waiting." Tell them, "I'm busy now, but I'll help you after I finish cleaning the kitchen.” When you do this, emphasize to your child that he or she can do what they want on their own with sentences like "I'm sure a big boy like you who goes down the slide alone can also butter his own toast." When you do this, your children will understand that there are things they can handle on their own and thus they can become independent adults with the ability to cope with challenges.
"They’re just kids" is a sentence spoken by many parents, but these three words can have a negative and far-reaching effect that can make them spoiled and inconsiderate. There is indeed a stage in infancy that children are not yet aware of their environment, but when they learn to speak and communicate, it is important to make them understand that their words have an effect on others’ feelings. Don’t forgive them for phrases such as "But I wanted a Barbie!" When they get clothing as a birthday gift, for example.
It is not enough to say "that's rude," since it is important that you make your child understand how other people feel. Teach them to put themselves in the other’s shoes: "How do you think you would feel if you spent all afternoon preparing a gift for your aunt only for her to say 'That's not what I wanted!'?". Make them clarify their position in a dignified and pleasant way so that they learn to be thoughtful people. For example, instead of saying "I didn’t want pasta for dinner!" They'll say sentences like "Thank you for making pasta, but that's not my favorite food anymore. Can we make chicken nuggets sometime?”
"That’s mine!" Is a sentence spoken by quite a few children, and there is a biological reason for this; If your children refuse to share toys or hits others who try to take them, it's because of uncontrollable impulses that make them express their feelings physically and not verbally. This becomes a problem when they continue this behavior over time and refuse to share their stuff on the playground, for example. If you forgive your children for such behavior and don’t teach them to share, they’ll just become more and more spoiled with time and refuse to share their things even when they are older.
First, it is important to understand that the reluctance to share is natural and will pass over time provided you teach your child how to do it. If your child has one favorite toy and is afraid to share it when a friend whose expected to come over, don’t force them to share that toy- instead, help them put it away and take out other toys. When your child refuses to share toys that are not their own, on the playground, for example, intervene and tell them that others should also be allowed to enjoy the toys and make sure they actually share. The child may be slightly angry, but it will pass and they’ll learn to share and not feel that everything belongs exclusively to them.