The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: It's Difficult to Fulfill a Dying Wish Sometimes
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Joke: Come On, Honey...
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Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
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This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
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Hilarious Birthday Bloopers Make the Best Belly Laughs
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These Dogs' Funny Faces Made Me Laugh My Socks Off!
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The Singing Pug That Cannot Run - Hilarious!
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The Funniest Questions About Retirement are Finally Answered
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Hilarious! Mr Bean Wreaks Havoc at the School Open Day
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HILARIOUS: These Pets are Real Drama Queens!
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Hilarious: 19 Times the Universe Decided to Be Ironic...
These photos capture the most brilliant comedic irony caught on camera!
Hilarious: This Week's Funniest Cartoons!
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Rodney Dangerfield, The Man of a Million One liners!
Here is a great compilation of some of his best lines and of course - his terrific delivery, Dangerfield style.
I Dare You Not to Laugh at These Silly Signs
Who on earth put these pointless signs all over our streets?!
Ah the Hilarious Ways We Men Try to Solve Our Problems
When it comes to health and safety, these men have left their brains at home. Faced with some tricky challenges, they have tried to solve them in funny ways.
20 Clever Words for Clever People To Laugh Over...
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These FUNNY Spring Jokes Will Blossom Your Mood!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of spring jokes and puns.
These Cat Tweets Will Give You Plenty to Laugh About!
Cats have been providing us with entertainment for as long as we have co-existed, and these cat tweets prove they’re still giving us plenty to laugh about!
These Truly Outrageous Sights Can Only be Found in Russia!
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Hilarious: Old Ladies Know How to Ask the Best Questions...
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20 Chucklesome Road Signs Worth Stopping For
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These Funny Illustrations Show What Life Is Like With Kids!
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Hilarious: You've Got a Lot of Explaining to Do, Mister!
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Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
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Sweet Irony: Hilarious Photos of Ironic Situations!
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Never Make Fun of an Old Man, Because You Never Know...
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HILARIOUS: Some People Have Unusual Solutions
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This Man Pushed a Button. He Had No Idea What It Will Do...
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Excuse Me, But Are These Signs for REAL?!?
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Abbot and Costello Are At Their Finest in This Sketch!
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These Hilarious Signs Were Totally Unnecessary
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Hilarious: Time to Laugh at Some Fresh Cartoons!
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I Can't Stop Laughing at These Funny Husbands
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Enjoy your Christmas with this hilarious Mr. Bean episode.
These Comics Prove a Single Panel Can Deliver Big Laughs
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These Adorably Cute & Funny Comic Strips Are So Relatable!
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Funny Photos: These Delivery Men Have an Odd Way of Working
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Hilarious: When Signs Think You're an Idiot
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