I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.