My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.