What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.