How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!