I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.