Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!