If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.