What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!