Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.