I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.