I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.