My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?