I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Today my "O" button on my keyboard stopped working.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.