I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"