This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.