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Lawn Jokes

Gnome Puns
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Garden Puns
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Yard Puns
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Garden Quotes
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
Grass Puns
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Hair Puns
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Funny Break Up Lines
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.