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Last Jokes

Fairy Puns
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Utensils Puns
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
Nuts Puns
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Tableware Puns
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Garden Quotes
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
Easter Pick Up Lines
Do you know what I did last night? I put Easter eggs in a heart shape for you to find!
Friendship Quotes
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster