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Counts Jokes

Monster Puns
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
Medieval Puns
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Clever Jokes
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
Toxic Pick Up Lines
You're the thought that counts!
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
Its not the length of the vector that counts, its how you apply the force.
You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts. It's how you apply the force.
Soccer Puns
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.