I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
All farts...are laughing gas.