What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.