I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.