I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.