Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
All farts...are laughing gas.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?