My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"