Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
All farts...are laughing gas.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?