Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.