A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in