Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.