What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.