I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.