I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.