My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.