I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.