What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.