Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".