Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.