Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones