My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic